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Suniel Shetty to play dacoit in 'Umrao Jaan'
By Subhash K. Jha, Indo-Asian News Service

Mumbai, Nov 2 (IANS) Things haven't really been going too smoothly for Suniel Shetty. While his career seems to be in a state of flux, Suniel's domestic life has also been pretty turbulent.

His father suffered a paralytic stroke and his wife Mana too suddenly became paralysed from waist downwards.

"It was a ruptured back. Don't ask me how she got it. We're still wondering. Fortunately Mana had emergency surgery in the nick of time. Now she's back on her feet," Shetty said.

"My dad too is recovering fast. For a while I seemed to be going through the worst phase of my life. Fortunately the clouds have started lifting and my life too seems to be back on an even keel," Shetty told IANS.

To signal his bright phase, Suniel has just been signed to play the pivotal role of bandit Faiz Ali in J.P. Dutta's version of "Umrao Jaan".

Suniel is the third male lead for the film after Abhishek Bachchan and Arshad Warsi.

"I guess it's one of the signs of changing times in my life. To work with J.P. saab is almost like coming home for me. I can never say no to him. And he can never refuse me a role.

"I thoroughly enjoyed being part of his war trilogy 'Border', 'Refugee' and 'LOC'. And now I'm looking forward to seeing what JP does in a costume drama."

This would be Suniel's first film with Aishwarya Rai, not counting the ill-fated "Hum Panchhi Ek Daal Ke" where Suniel was paired with Ash for the first time.

"It was a really beautiful film... almost like an Indian 'Sound Of Music'. Shashilal Nair, one of my favourite directors, was doing it. And another huge favourite Gulzar saab had written lovely songs. I wish it hadn't been shelved. I'm glad I'm finally doing another film with Ash."

Suniel is doing a film with Priyadarshan, another favourite director, which UTV will produce, and Subhash Ghai's "Shaadi Se Pehle" directed by Satish Kaushik.

"Both are crazy, crazy films, absolutely endearing. The best thing is I don't have to worry about having a girl opposite me. I've reached a stage in my career where such considerations have become irrelevant."

About his last release, the ensemble curiosity "Chocolate", Suniel says:

"Sure, there were a whole of lot of us actors in the film. But each one of us had a definite role. I was certainly not there just for the heck of it.

"'Chocolate' was always aimed at a metropolitan audience. It cannot be seen as a mass-oriented film. I'm happy with the way it performed."
 
Three Priyadarshan films in two months
By Subhash K. Jha, Indo-Asian News Service

Mumbai, Nov 2 (IANS) After releasing two movies on the same date, writer-director Priyadarshan is now working on his next movie "Malamaal Weekly", which he hopes to release in December.

Priyadarshan, who released his "Garam Masala" and "Kyun Ki" on the same day last month, claims nobody has done it before. However, he is confident about the prospects of the films, as they are "different in genre".

"It's never happened before. Ideally I would have liked the two films to come separately. But the release is in the producers' hands. I feel 'Garam Masala' and 'Kyun Ki' are completely different in genre," he said in an interview with IANS.

Q. Was there any particular reason for releasing the two films on the same day?

A. It has never happened before. Ideally I would have liked the two films to come separately. But the release is in the producers' hands. But then I feel "Garam Masala" and "Kyun Ki" are completely different in genre.

Basically I don't plan anything. What has to happen will happen ... I have finished one more film "Malamaal Weekly". This one is not a remake. I have written the original screenplay myself. It's an experimental comedy. I have got Ritesh Deshmukh and Rimi Sen to play the conventional leads. But the main characters are Om Puri and Paresh Rawal. They are like Pran and Ashok Kumar in "Victoria 203". It's about a village that's suffering from a drought. It's got a typical rustic feel, like R.K. Narayan's Malgudi Days. I love to shoot in the village. "Malamaal Weekly" will be released in December.

Q. So you will have three releases in two months?

A. That's right. But "Garam Masala" and "Kyun Ki" are very different from one another. One is hilarious and the other is more serious. Actually people will get to compare the two films and see my range.

Q. Lately you were typecast as a comic director.

A. "Kyun Ki" will change that. I am very happy with both Kareena and Salman. People regard Salman as one of the best actors in the country. Now I know why. He has performed with such sincerity. He would get up every morning at 4.30 to shoot. I was so thankful to him. We got along very well. He understood my needs as a director.

Q. Something about "Kyun Ki"?

A. "Kyun Ki" is a love story between a doctor and patient. Salman plays a man who went mad after he was betrayed in love.

Q. This sounds like Asit Sen's "Khamoshi"!

A. Exactly. I was told there are similarities. I must see "Khamoshi". "Kyun Ki" is very hard-hitting film. Even "Garam Masala" is special, though "Kyun Ki" is close to my heart. It will change my image as a comic filmmaker in Mumbai.

Q. What's special about "Garam Masala"?

A. No one can make a thriller with humour. I have done it. This one is a remake of my Malayalam film "Boeing Boeing". The first half I have changed. The second half is identical to the original. "Garam Masala" is a fun time-pass film. For me, whether it's a serious or light film, the important thing is for audiences to enjoy it. That's what is important. And every film should be shot and edited differently. Otherwise both the filmmaker and the audience get bored. What finally matters is success. But I will never make a film that I can't sit and watch with my daughter.

Q. What are you making now?

A. A film for UTV with Kareena, Shahid and Isha Sharvani. I have not yet got a title for it. I have a huge problem. My Hindi is bad. I can't speak in Hindi. But I can read and write it.

The film is about a man who can speak but pretends to be deaf and mute to win the love of a deaf and mute girl. It's a remake of a very old Malayalam film. I have changed it to accommodate a lot of humour. When things go wrong, I can always depend fully on comedy. Let me experiment with "Kyun Ki". It's a total emotional film. If "Garam Masala" clicks and not "Kyun Ki", I will return to making comedies.

Q. Is John Abraham good at comedy?

A. I am happy with his performance. I had been asked the same question about Akshay (Kumar) and Suniel Shetty when I made "Hera Pheri".

Q. Everyone in Mumbai wants to work with you!

A. Not true! In any case, there are only four saleable stars, and you never know how their minds work. So I am not making any plans. But I have given up doing Malayalam films for now. For two years, I will only make Hindi films. I think I should make hay while the sun shines.
  
I think like my character in 'Swades': Shah Rukh Khan 
(INTERVIEW)
By Subhash K. Jha, Indo-Asian News Service

Mumbai, Nov 2 (IANS) Shah Rukh Khan turned 40 Wednesday, crowning a year in which he has got not just the Padma Shri but also popular awards for three very diverse films - "Veer-Zaara", "Main Hoon Na" and "Swades".

To describe Shah Rukh as the single-most influential star-actor of the post-Amitabh Bachchan era would be no exaggeration. In the last 12 years, this Khan has redefined Bollywood superstardom and also extended the frontiers of the box office. 

According to Shah Rukh, his efforts to bring social awareness should not be restricted to short films on cancer, polio and AIDS. "I think cinema is a very important medium of putting social messages across," he says, pointing to his last film "Paheli" that talked about women's emancipation but was not a "bra burning propaganda film".

"I want the message in my film to be more fun oriented," Shah Rukh says, recalling his early days with street theatre where ideas on family planning or dowry were put across with a "lot of enjoyment".

Discussing his future plans, he says direction is too lonely a job. What he'd like to make would be a huge action film that would go over budget. "My vision is too wacky to be budgeted... right now, I don't have a story to act in, let alone direct."

Apparently unconscious of the power that he projects exudes and commands, Shah Rukh Khan reveals to IANS how he intends to extend his vision as an actor and an entertainer.

Q: How does the year feel to you?

A: Life is exhausting, but very good. Till recently, I thought films and film personalities were hardly eligible for national honours. I'm happy cinema is being taken seriously and finally being considered an art form. Earlier, painters and dancers, and not film actors, were considered good enough for national honours. They do a fine job, so do we. But just because we actors get more popularity it shouldn't preclude us from government-endorsed awards. 

I hope film actors and actresses get more national awards. It feels very nice. I'm very proud of it. I never thought I'd get a Padma Shri. It makes me feel what I've been doing is worth something. Insha Allah, I hope I can get higher national awards in the years to come.

Q: Your Padma Shri coincided with a whole truckload of popular awards this year.

A: This year it felt even nicer because I got various popular awards for different performances. I think it's more appropriate if an actor is awarded for his entire body of work during a year rather than just one performance. I felt good getting awards this year for "Veer-Zaara", "Main Hoon Na" and "Swades". I think all the films that I've done this year have contributed in equal measure to make me what I was during the year. In fact, I thanked the directors of all three films during every awards function. I love getting awards, even though some people think I get too many awards and that they've lost their relevance in my career. 

Q: "Swades" was exceptional because it's very far removed from your other films. Did its box office failure disappoint you?

A: No! I always say it's not the manzil but the journey that matters. I often don't watch my completed film. I enjoy the process of acting in them. I push it promote it, participate in the projection... and then I move on. Then I don't make any inquiries about the box office performance. It isn't that I'm detached from the end-result, because I hope for the sake of the people behind my films that they do well. I enjoy doing all my film regardless of how it finally performs. 

As for "Swades", I told the director Ashutosh Gowariker that it won't work commercially. The film was nobly intended... Even "Main Hoon Na" had a noble thought (India-Pakistan amity) behind it. There're ways and ways of putting a message across.

Q: Did the role of the conscientious Indian in "Swades" change you as a person?

A: But I think like my character in "Swades". Unfortunately I'm not in a position to change the way our society functions. My efforts to bring social awareness should not be restricted to short films on cancer, polio and AIDS. I think cinema is a very important medium of putting social messages across. My last film "Paheli" was again an entertainer with a social message. It talked about women's emancipation. But it wasn't a bra-burning propaganda film. I think films like "Black" and "My Brother...Nikhil" serve a great social purpose. But I want the message in my film to be more fun-oriented. That's where I come from. 

I started with street theatre. And we used to put across ideas on family planning or dowry with a lot of enjoyment. I love nautanki, folk theatre, cartoons and puppetry. These are vibrant forms of artistic expression. I love to express myself through basic art forms.

Q: Well, you've flippantly referred to yourself as a 'bhand' in the past?

A: I see nothing wrong with that word. The bhand performs a beautiful art-form. Unfortunately, we tend to think of it as cheap or derogatory. They were the first genuine actors of our country, though I suspect Parsi theatre was older. 

Q: Would you be tempted to return to 'safe' films because "Swades" hasn't done well? 

A: In this matter I believe in what Mr Amitabh Bachchan does. I don't tell filmmakers what to make with me. I didn't write "Swades". I can't tell writers to write a film keeping in mind whether 22 people or 22 million people liked it. I just do what they ask me to. I like to sell a dream. I like to tell stories. I'm a very good storyteller. I can convert the most boring topic into a riveting tale. I tell stories to my children every night. Some stories they don't like, so I avoid them. Others they like and I repeat them with variations. I can't keep repeating the same story the same way just because it works once. Filmmakers also need to understand that.

Q: Is direction around the corner?

A: I do have a understanding of what people enjoy and what they don't. But direction is too lonely a job. I'd want to make a huge action -- my "Badshah" done in the right spirit -- which will definitely take me over budget. My vision is too wacky to be budgeted. Let's see... Right now, I don't have a story to act in, let alone direct. 

Q: You and Karan Johar have gone into joint production. Is this a move towards strengthening the Johar-Khan-Chopra empire?

A: It's more an emotional than a professional collaboration. Karan's dad, the late Mr Yash Johar, always wanted me to be part of any film that he produced. He made a very generous deal with me... that I'd be a partner in his profits and no part of his losses. It was a gesture that I'd never forget. What sort of a one-sided deal was this? Now that Yashji is gone I feel even closer to the Johar family. Karan looks at me as an older brother. I'd like to be part of his productions in any way that he wants me to be, unquestioningly. Over the years I've accumulated a lot of friends. I guess that's my biggest asset. 

Q: Finally, what's happening with your memoirs?

A: I'll complete my book, "20 Years Of A Decade", now. I just need to assimilate and elaborate on my memories. I'll give it over to my publishers by year-end . They've been waiting patiently. My main theme in the book is, 'Goodness begets goodness'. I recently met a fan in Delhi who said, "The only reason you have is because you give." I found that very touching. That's what my mom used to say. That's what my book is about. Allah has been kind. The important thing about my career is not my success but that I'm still there working hard. 
 
No celebrations in New York for Shah Rukh and co
By Subhash K. Jha, Indo-Asian News Service

Mumbai, Nov 2 (IANS) It's double celebration time in New York - Diwali on Tuesday and Shah Rukh Khan's 40th birthday Wednesday. But there's little time to party with shooting on for Karan Johar's new film and birthday boy also busy with promoting his "Paheli" for the Oscars.

"There's no time to celebrate," bemoans the harassed director Karan Johar, whose new directorial venture "Kabhi Alvidaa Na Kehna" is being shot at full speed in the heart of New York. "We're working round the clock. Diwali is just a thought so far away from home. Wish we were back." 

No concrete birthday plans have been made for Shah Rukh's birthday either. "Everyone will probably go out for dinner with Shah Rukh after shooting... that's it," ventures Karan. "Shah Rukh's right now busier than all of us in the unit."

Apart from shooting for Karan Johar's film, Shah Rukh is busy promoting "Paheli in the US for the Oscars. The actor, who turns 40 Wednesday, is going all out to ensure that the film gets noticed in the night places. 

"Shah Rukh is making sure that 'Paheli' has a genuinely valid shot at the Oscar and does not get left out of the nominations list for the lack of proper promotion. He's unarguably one of the best producers in Bollywood," says a colleague from the unit. 
  
Birthday gal Ash hopes life has surprises in store
By Subhash K. Jha, Indo-Asian News Service 

Mumbai, Nov 2 (IANS) Aishwarya Rai, who's wrapping up filming for "The Last Legion" in Slovakia and was not able to celebrate her birthday, which coincided with Diwali, with her family, was touched when her co-stars organised a surprise bash for her.

The actor, who has been shooting in Tunisia and Slovakia for "The Last Legion", her latest international film project, said the film unit had made her birthday and Diwali special but she was eager to return home to family.

"I've no qualms about admitting that I'm 32. What's the big deal? I feel anything from 18 to 88 on any given day, depending on my state of mind. The infamous giggle comes in when I feel 18," she giggled. 

In Slovakia on her birthday Nov 1, the stunning Rai definitely felt 18. 

"It's been such a wonderful birthday. The whole unit of my film (The Last Legion) brought in my birthday. Since my birthday coincides with Diwali I felt doubly special," Aishwarya told IANS.

"They had put up a banner saying 'Happy Diwali, Aishwarya'. And then they had arranged for the most awesome firecrackers. I have to admit this is one birthday I'm not likely to forget easily." 

She has just about wrapped up the shooting of "The Last Legion".

"Just a few more days to go and then I'm back home. Gawd! How I miss my family! It isn't so much because of my birthday that I want to be with my family. It's Diwali. Everyone wants to be home for the festival. 

"Even my mother isn't with me here in Slovakia because of Diwali. You know, the last couple of times I managed to be home for Diwali. So I was looking forward to it again this year. But my schedules don't allow me the luxury of doing what I crave to."

After she wraps up "The Last Legion" in about a week, Aishwarya comes straight to Mumbai for "Dhoom 2" and later J.P. Dutta's "Umrao Jaan". 

"'Umrao Jaan' starts in December. We shoot that in Rajasthan. I know what miracles JP Saab has worked in Rajasthan in 'Ghulami' and 'Batwara'. I'm really looking forward to it. As for 'Dhoom 2' it will be great fun. It's the first time I'll be working with Hrithik.... We've come close to working together a couple of times before. It's finally happening."

But for now she's in a complete birthday mood. 

"The party was so special, so carefully prepared. Everyone from the unit including my co-stars Colin Firth and Ben Kingsley were there. It was meant to be a surprise. And honest to God, I didn't know a thing about it. I love surprises. I hope life has many more in store for me," she laughs some more. 

Then she gets a wee homesick. 

"How's Mumbai? How's everyone in the industry? I haven't spoken to any person from the industry or the media ever since I got here."

    
National Awards were 'truly memorable', says Saif
By Subhash K. Jha, Indo-Asian News Service

Mumbai, Nov 3 (IANS) A self-confessed "leftwing" non-conformist, Saif Ali Khan almost didn't show up to collect his National Award for best actor for his performance in "Hum Tum". 

He was in London with his parents who urged him not to miss out on his moment of glory.

"And you know what? I'm glad I made it," Saif told IANS from Zurich. "Attending the National Awards function (last month) was a truly memorable experience. I got to be in the same room with actors and filmmakers who are considered way out of my league as I am supposed to be out of theirs. There was this actress named Thara who had won the National Award for best actress. Very sweet, sincere and simple...

"There were some funny moments, like this TV channel asking me about the best-actor award going for the first time to a comedy performance... That was a chintzy remark. Arrey, what has that got to do with anything? Should the award only go to grim performances? I don't know whether to take it as a compliment... 

"But I've come to be associated with the light hearted happy-go-lucky comic spirit. Even at the National Awards, when I went up to collect my prize someone said, 'I wish Kantabehn was here' (referring to the Kantabehn jokes between Saif and Shah Rukh in 'Kal Ho Na Ho'). I really don't know how to react to such flippant responses to my presence. Am I supposed to take it as a compliment?"

Saif says there were some moments during the function that can truly qualify as priceless. 

"I had this really funny run-in with the maker of the film called 'Amu' (Shonali Bose). When she came over to me to ask if I had seen 'Amu' I thought she was referring to my mother. 

"Though I found the question strange I politely replied, 'Amma is in London'. Can you beat that? I loved the experience. I did some healthy autograph signing. And, hey, this was the only award I've attended where I got a cash prize of Rs.10,000!" 

Was he put off by constant questioning about his worthiness? 

"You mean about a comic performance getting the National Award? You know, after a point I didn't feel like justifying it. It was a bit of a damper. But I got to deal with it. 

"Now I've stopped being apologetic about my performance in 'Hum Tum' being light to the touch. If it was that way, it was meant to be. And I'm glad it was recognised. 

"I feel the commercial film industry is not being recognised enough. I feel honoured that a performance which would habitually be thought too light for a National Award managed to win."

On his future plans, he says he has only said yes to Siddharth Anand's next film, which he believes will co-star Rani Mukherjee. 

"I'm seriously considering Vishal Bhardawaj's film. As for the Abbas-Mustan film with Tips which I'm supposed to have signed, I haven't said a final yes to it. I've to return and sort out some problems with the producer. I've also heard of some very posh filmmakers wanting to sign me. I can hardly wait to come back."
  

Navel-gazing, desi style!
By Uma Nair, Indo-Asian News Service

New Delhi, Nov 3 (IANS) Bollywood's hottest dance number 'Kajra re' has the camera focusing long and lovingly on Aishwarya Rai's belly button, signalling the arrival of a new body part in fashion.

Waistline lingo is here to stay as ads and TV shows zoom in on the slimness, flatness and well-toned terrain of the stomach. The newfound quest for the perfect midriff has turned the navel into a searing centerpiece of the female anatomy. 

Artist M.F. Husain's 1977 portrait of his long-time friend Rasheda Siddiqui showed a tiny belly button in a manner most casual and endearing.

"The belly button has always been in," says Husain, just back from Singapore where he plans to shoot scenes of his forthcoming "Iqbal".

"It has been an intrinsic part of the Indian woman. It has been part of Indian sculptures that go back so many centuries. That is why so many years ago, even in the 50s, all my works had women show their belly buttons.

"The West is highlighting it now, but to us it came down our history."

In streamlined suits or sophisticated lehengas (skirts) or even jeans and tees, a belle's belly button manages to peep out with touching regularity.

"In the olden days, heroines hid their belly buttons because they were too shy to show it," says David Lee, a fashion consultant. "I think designers now keep that extra inch in mind," he adds.

The midriff has become the much-aligned modern memento of fitness and fashion. In the figures of many a woman who stands before the camera, it is indeed the essence of distilled sensuality. In Hollywood, well-toned abs perfectly offset bejewelled navels. 

Years ago one thought that cropped tops and bikinis emerged from cold storage only in summer. But nowadays the weather seems always right. In a song sequence in the hit "Main Hoon Na", Sushmita Sen's belly boogies the night away.

One is, of course, reminded of yesteryear heroines like Waheeda Rehman and the late Nargis who were able to capture their audiences without revealing or baring. 

However, suddenly the bare midriff is all about the language of Art Nouveau. And yet if one does have to look critically at the culture of Indian couture, the midriff is very much a part of history thanks to the sari.

"The sari can be both concealing and revealing," former US president Bill Clinton had commented during a visit to India.

With its subtle movements, the belly button seems to offer solace, succour and even an enticing flavour of excitement. To see it become the language of chic is indeed a somewhat gyrating piece of evolution. 

 
Buddhadeb against Goa as permanent film fest venue
Indo-Asian News Service

Kolkata, Nov 3 (IANS) When Information and Broadcasting Minister S. Jaipal Reddy visits here to inaugurate the 11th Kolkata Film Festival Nov 10, West Bengal Chief Minister Buddhadeb Bhattacharya will protest the government's decision to make Goa a permanent venue for the International Film Festival of India (IFFI). 

"Tourism and film festival do not go together. Tourists would flock to Goa irrespective of a film festival," said Bhattacharya Wednesday night while announcing the schedule of the Kolkata Film Festival. 

"I will take up the matter with Reddy," said Bhattacharya, suggesting that he would ask Reddy to host the festival in rotation in places like Kolkata, a city of real film aficionados. 

By making Goa the permanent venue for the IFFI, the ministry wants to brand the event on the lines of the Cannes, Venice and Montreal festivals.

"There are only three recognised film festivals in the country and West Bengal is one of them. These film festivals should get all help and facility from the centre," said Bhattacharya, claiming that in Kolkata only real film lovers throng theatres unlike the bureaucrats and their kin who fill cinema halls in places like New Delhi. 
  

Celluloid tribute to 60 years of victory over fascism
Indo-Asian News Service

Kolkata, Nov 3 (IANS) On May 7, 1945, the thug army that waged the Second World War for Germany surrendered unconditionally to the Soviet Union, the US and Britain ending the war in Europe. Now 60 years later, film buffs gather here for a celluloid tribute to that momentous day.

A state-sponsored film festival in Kolkata, the seat of power of the Communist rule in West Bengal, brings back memories of a dark chapter in world history and the triumph of humanity and democracy over fascism to the present generation.

A clutch of six films, including the 1957 made Polish "Kanal" by Andrzej Wajda and Otakar Vavra's Czech "Liberation of Prague" of 1976, would be screened in the eleventh Kolkata Film Festival from Nov 10 to 17 in a special tribute category titled "60 Years of Victory over Fascism". 

"We have decided to dedicate our special tribute to the victory over fascism 60 years ago and accordingly six films were chosen. I have seen and liked all of them," West Bengal Chief Minister Buddhadeb Bhattacharya told reporters late Wednesday at a press conference to announce the highlights of the festival in which 140 films from 32 countries would be screened.

The other films in this category are "Ballad of a Soldier" (Russia), "Farewell to Maria" (Poland), "Day Does Not Die" (Czechoslavakia), "Naked Among the Wolves" (East Germany).

Bhattacharya said he has invited Information and Broadcasting Minister Jaipal Reddy to inaugurate the festival, which would also have categories like "Asian Glimpse", "Retrospective" (featuring Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodovar), a "Centenary Tribute to Russian director Grigori Kozintsev", a "Homage" to Polish maestro Krzysztof Kieslowski and a "Focus" on Africa. 

In a Special Screening section, Hungarian films made over the past decade would be shown while Indian cinematic genius Ritwick Ghatak's cerebral "Jukti Takko r Gappo" (Arguments and a Story) would be screened to commemorate the 80th birth anniversary of the filmmaker. 

"The thrust is on contemporary movies and we have been able to get a lot of films made in 2004-05," said Bhattacharya, a film buff himself. 

With a budget of Rs.10 million, including corporate sponsorships, half the proceeds of the ticket sales would go to the Chief Minister's Relief Fund and the rest to the benefit of the film technicians in Bengal. 

The festival will screen seven Indian films in the India Select section, all made in 2004 and 2005, while the Children's Film category would screen an equal number of films from across the world. 

The festival would be inaugurated by French filmmaker Christophe Barratier's "Les Choristes" (The Chorus). 
 

'Shaadi No.1': chaos of colour and corny puns
By Subhash K. Jha, Indo-Asian News Service

Film: Shaadi No.1; Cast: Sanjay Dutt, Fardeen Khan, Ayesha Takia, Zayed Khan, Esha Deol, Sharman Joshi, Soha Ali Khan, Aarti Chabria, Riya Sen, Sophia Choudhary, Satish Shah, Director: David Dhawan; Rating: *

Claustrophic kitsch... Crowded comedy... These would be polite ways of putting across the chaos of colour and corny puns that constitute the essence of David Dhawan's new comedy.

Honestly, "Shaadi No.1" is the giddy limit. Its swirling surge of satire and characters makes your head spin and stomach churn. We've seen David Dhawan do such ensemble comedies before. But never with such conflicting and anarchic consequences. Never before have so many characters jostled for immediate and irretrievable attention. To ensure the audience doesn't get restless during the harebrained hilarity, the narrative remains constantly fidgety. 

The cinematography and editing suggest a deep link between shallow comicality and rituals of the courtship game. 

At any given time in this slammer of a marital satire, we see the three heroes - Fardeen, Zayed and Sharman either talking about sex or money. 

The power play is paced at a breakneck speed. The ambience created is that of a corny libidinous carnival. Every ten minutes or so the guys get to sing and dance to Anu Malik's young-at-heart but jaded-by-repetition tunes either with their respective wives or their girlfriends.

Don't expect this film to respect sexual and ethical space. David Dhawan's fast-burn plot has no room for niceties. It catches the tempo of a rap song and turns it into a hectic hip-hop of inane dialogues topped by disembodied images of unfaithful husbands looking for sex outside their homes.

Masti anyone? This time David Dhawan not only pays homage to David Dhawan but also to that other raja of raunchy ruminations, Indra Kumar. 

While the basic plot in "Shaadi No.1" seems inspired by Indra Kumar's "Masti", the clamorous cast's climactic dangle from a high-rise pole with Satish Shah (dressed in a US construction worker's uniform) drilling the pole, is straight from Indra Kumar's "Dil".

The mélange of mirthful episodes is so haphazard and so pointedly designed to tickle one's funny-bone without any durable or even likeable impact, that at the end of it you wonder if Dhawan has gone back to the valley of the droll that he had patented before his most recent comedies "Mujhse Shaadi Karogi" and "Maine Pyar Kyun Kiya".

Not that this latest ouch-ouch-hota-hai outing from the master blaster doesn't have its funny moments. Zayed Khan descending in Spiderman attire to 'rescue' Sophia Choudhary is the one time you spare a smile to this raunchy (though not excessively vulgar) raga of rile. 

But the rile lacks style. The verve is sapped of real vitality. These are guys and gals whose gags are so familiar and fatuous, you want to gag them.

Annoyingly bloated in vision, "Shaadi No.1" is like a television sitcom blown up and condensed to be accommodated on the 70 mm screen. The characters share their comic karma without any chemistry. There's neither any bonding among the three heroes (even "Masti" managed to muster a modicum of camaraderie among the riotous trio of male protagonists). Nor do the lead pairs look like screen couples.

Ayesha Takia and Fardeen Khan, for instance, look more like an overweight housewife and her trainer (with whom she might or might not be having a fling). Zayed and Esha (with Rajpal Yadav, in a hilarious cameo as an intrusive film maker) look more like strangers involved in a one-night stand than a married couple. As for Soha and Sharman Joshi, they are akin to a sibling rather than a spousal bonding.

Bonding is one of the many casualties in this feverish fling with farcical frivolity. At any given time we get at least seven-eight characters in every frame shouting, pushing, shoving and striving to create a clamour of glamour.

All in vain. Sanjay Dutt presides over the parodic proceedings. His thick Punjabi accent and a raging satirical attitude seem like a grotesque travesty of his wonderful comic performance in "Munnabhai MBBS".

In fact, the saturated over-done pun-clogged dialogues make a reference to Munnabhai, only to remind us how far removed this far-flung farce is from providing genuine fun.